Mom Talk: The first year of twinning
Guess what?? #Bossmom, Dominique Molver, is back with some insights and epiphanies on raising 3 kids, of which 2 are multiples. She doesn't need much of an introduction. Do yourself a favour and have read. You might just find it way more relatable than you'd think. It's light hearted, funny but so so real. Enjoy!
I am currently on my third cup of coffee.
I have logged over 8000 steps..
It’s only 9 a.m.
My morning has flown by in a blink…..let’s not even talk about the blur that my first year with twins has been!
As I lie awake in the dark early hours, one eye peeking out from under my duvet trying not to stare at the glow of the baby monitor on my bedside table. It’s another twins turn to be wide awake, teething and ready to party. I take a deep breath, knowing I have a long day ahead of me, and smile - in moments like these I am reminded just how lucky I am. Really, I mean it. This is my new normal…and I LOVE IT!
You see, it would be easy for me to moan and groan about these early morning wake up calls. But to be honest, the not-so-distant memories come flooding back to the time in my life when we could only hope and pray for these beautiful children. Before pregnancy struggles, I never thought I would be so grateful to be getting up to teething babies at 11pm, 1am, 2am, 3am and then my 4 year old at 5am.:) I know that soon I will long for the days when my home was filled with the sound of noisy babies and children.
Life on the job for any mom is full of ups and downs. My husband and I have shared many parental high fives when we figured out how to gracefully manage life with two babies and a 4 year old.
Our year has been filled with what feels like a lifetime of major learnings...and we are still stumbling through it on a daily basis. We survived sleep schedules for two totally different kids, simultaneously. We somehow managed to occasionally sync their nap times so that I could…gasp… brush my teeth and maybe eat some lunch. We went into a nationwide lockdown, confined to the house, had to start home schooling our eldest son... And in the end….we now sit gratefully celebrating a year of incredible memories as a family of five with these two little miracles.
We are incredibly thankful for the community of family and friends that supported, loved and continually helped us adjust to our new life with twins.
My house is totally annihilated by 9 am most days. My general decor theme is- exploded toy bomb. I’ve said a happy goodbye to any of my previous aspirations of perfection in this lifetime! Toys, sippy cups and baby books are thrown all over the house. Now it looks the way it should, like a home full of laughter and joy. My biggest concern each day isn’t my outfit, how my hair looks or that my house is perfectly in order. My priorities have changed…now I care to focus the minutes in my day on soaking up every memory that I can with my children because, as everyone tells you, they grow up way TOO FAST!
Since having the twins I am no longer able to plan in advance or remember plans unless I diarise them and set a reminder for the reminder.
No they are NOT identical (The one is a boy and the other a girl), yes they are still twins.
They’ve shared cups, bottles, cutlery, dummies, and who knows what else, and yet they are still strong and healthy..
I carry around an incredible guilt for my eldest son, and the lack of time I have been able to give him over the last year. A guilt I have probably over compensated for in other ways.
I’ve ignored that gross nappy smell at my own peril.
My pockets are always full of tiny ‘chokable’ toys that my 4-year-old accidentally leaves around.
Every day there are moments where I feel like my heart is so full that it could actually burst! This may seem impossible but it happens…over and over and over. You love your spouse, you love your family, no question. But the love you have for your children is an overwhelming, unconditional, crazy kind of love! The twins and our older son are so perfectly a part of our hearts, it’s almost hard to imagine what our life was like before they showed up.
I can always somehow find the strength to carry two babies no matter how heavy they are getting.
Nothing can take away the guilt of not always being able to comfort or meet the needs of two babies at the same time.
I am amazed by what I can achieve with no spare hands and how good I have actually become at multiple tasking with my other body parts.
In the first year of twins I cried way more than I would like to admit. There were a lot of tears….and most of them mine. The kids cry because that is their only way to communicate when they are itty bitty; what’s my excuse? There were times when I cried because I was exhausted and not sure what the heck I was doing. But there were also times when I cried because I realised how lucky I was to get to witness this twin thing as their mom and so I cried tears of joy because my children have brought pure happiness to my life.
I am sometimes guilty of comparing their development stages. But I’m getting better at stopping that and rather enjoying and celebrating their differences.
Take some time off for yourself- go for a run, meet up with a friend for coffee, go out on a date night.. I’ve come to realise that investing in your own mental, physical and emotional health is good for you and for the kids too, it makes you a better mom. So don’t guilt trip yourself about leaving them for a little bit, and take some time out!
There are not enough snacks in the world …..ever.
You will take more pictures than the memory on your phone, iPad and the cloud can hold all together. Take them anyway. You will want them. Babies change so much in the first year; they grow into these amazing little beings right before your eyes! Take all the pictures you can. You’ll spend hours at night or when you’re away from them, flipping through the memories that those pictures tell…it’s truly priceless.
There isn’t a single day that I’m not winging it. Learn to trust your gut. It goes without saying that raising kids (especially in the first year) is HARD! It doesn’t matter if you have one, two, or a whole soccer team, there is a lot to learn and it takes time to find your groove. There will be moments when you feel like you’ve got it all under control and master something. Then, moments later, you feel like you’re heading in a totally different direction and have no clue what you are doing. Give yourself a little grace, forgive your mistakes and trust your instincts as they are the best guide you have!
I wouldn’t change a thing about my totally crazy, overwhelming and completely loving world.
The days are long, but the years are short…this first year with twins has gone in the blink of an eye. Here’s to all us Moms and Dads celebrating the small moments in the years to come. Wish me luck for the second year!